How to Manage the Weight of Guilt
“I should not have done that” is a common thought that has crossed peoples’ minds after doing something they deem wrong. Usually the sense or primary feeling of guilt accompanies this thought process. Guilt is a normal feeling just like joy, anger and sadness. In healthy interactions it is a feeling that can help navigate our actions with what we value. It can also act as a course correction for our behaviors in future situations.
In life too much of anything can become problematic as this applies to our feelings. This is especially true with guilt. If your mind dwells on thoughts such as “this would not have happened if I…” or, “I should have done better…” for long periods of time it can be debilitating. Overtime, the weight of guilt can manifest itself negatively in how you think and behave. The disproportionate size of guilt can lead to thoughts as though you need to punish yourself or question your own personal worth.
If you feel as though the prior examples resonated with you, don’t fret, guilt is a normal feeling that can get the best of most, if not all people. Here are five things you can do:
1.Consider it a learning experience
Ask yourself what you learned about yourself and ponder over some reasonable actions to take next time a similar situation arises. Taking the time to look back on what occurred and understand what led up to your feelings of guilt can help manage yourself better in the future. One example is, “I felt guilty for coming in late.” In this situation you could set an alarm for yourself to leave earlier. The key is to remember that you can do better next time and to not give up.
2. Remembering that things are not always in your control
Sometimes we may forget that we are not entirely in control of what goes on around us. It is helpful to remember you do not have the ability to control every aspect of your life because life does unexpected things. Whether it is from third parties, some unpredictable event, or some form of bad luck, it is outside of our own sense of control.
3.You are a human being not superhuman
We are not perfect beings and we cannot do any more than what we are capable of doing in the moment. Being unable to perform a task, a job, or not having the skill does not mean you are “less than.” Remind yourself that you can only do so much in an already hectic and unpredictable life. Struggling is part of life and not being able to do everything at once is alright. Work on what you can do and continue to improve yourself to reach your goals.
4. Give yourself self-compassion
Acknowledge your feelings of guilt. If your friend or family member was going through the same situation or feelings as you are, what would you say to them? Most of the time we would reassure them that things will be alright and they can get through it. We are oftentimes our own worst critics. When feels of guilt arise, recognize those feelings of guilt and reassure yourself that things are going to be alright.
5. Connect with others
If it is difficult to change your perspective onto another person, you can choose to talk to someone about it. Whether it be a close family member or reliable friend, talking with others about your feelings of guilt can help manage the weight. When feelings become too much or bottled up it can be helpful to share your thoughts with another person.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.