Flying Solo: Selfishness vs. Self-care

As my colleagues at Roubicek and Thacker will attest, I am a Star Wars fanatic.  I love how archetypes and philosophical truths are blended with fantasy, fiction, and cool technology.  Next month another Star Wars movie – Solo – will be released.  Though many more things about the famous smuggler will be revealed in a few short weeks, I am confident that the overall message of the life of the character of Han Solo can teach us many things about how we meet our self-care needs in the context of relationships.  

In the original Star Wars movie (Episode IV – A New Hope), Han Solo is portrayed as a selfish, smuggler and scoundrel that only cares about himself.  After rescuing Princess Leia from the Death Star (mostly because of Luke Skywalker’s suggestion that saving a rich princess could be lucrative), he has the following conversation with Leia:

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Digital Detox: Disconnecting to Reconnect

This past weekend, I had the wonderful opportunity to spend 2 nights camping on California’s central coast. I’d been looking forward to a relaxing Easter weekend doing something outside of the normal hustle and bustle that usually surrounds a major holiday. Upon reaching our destination, we set up camp, ran to the store for a few supplies, and then I embarked on a 48-hour digital detox.

A digital detox is pretty much what you might think it is - a period of time during which a person refrains from using electronic devices such as smartphones or computers. While there’s no doubt technology has made our lives easier in many ways (remember having to use MapQuest?), research suggests that our addiction to it is real. Every new notification or text triggers the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that drives us to seek rewards, so you keep coming back for more. This vicious cycle is taking a toll on our health, mental wellbeing, and relationships. 

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How To Respond When Your Partner Needs Attachment Reassurance

There are moments in relationships that are more important than other moments.

John Gottman (The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work) talks about happy couples having a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.  The trouble with the ratio idea is not all interactions are equal in importance to the well-being of the relationship. Some moments are just more important than other moments. Some moments really impact the security of your bond....

Read the full post HERE.


Thanks to Rebecca Jorgensen, PhD, a colleague in San Diego, for this wonderful post.

6 Steps To Make 2018 Miserable

1.  Compare yourself to others

The more you can keep yourself watching how you measure up to others, the better. Focus solely on your own weaknesses, and how others are better than you at everything. Don’t settle for contentment, and strive for perfection in any possible situation.  

2.  Only accept 100% happiness for yourself at all times

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…Since doing so will likely guarantee you’ll be miserable. If you’re the type of person who makes resolutions, research shows you’ve probably already failed at your resolutions, so you’re already well on your way!

Don’t strive for balance, but shoot for total happiness in all situations. This way, when you fail at something, or something bad happens, misery will be nearly immediate.

3.  Let other people influence plans for you and your family

Like most people, you’re probably someone who cares about your family even though you’re aiming for misery this year. What better way to make everyone around you miserable, than allowing other people to influence everything you do! The more the better.

So whatever you do, don’t set boundaries to protect personal time with the people you love. Say yes to everyone any time they ask if you’re free to (fill in the blank). Remember, the key here is just say yes!

4.  Try to make other people as happy as possible

Other people are always more important than you. Just face it. Give them most of your energy without any consideration of what it will drain from your own resources. Do it all in the name of love. For them. Not for yourself.

5.  Don’t try anything new

Trying new things is for suckers. New food, new experiences, new ways to work, meeting new people… New things cause personal growth, longevity and self-confidence, and no good miserable person wants that.

6.  Take things very seriously

Like this blog. Take things as seriously as a heart attack. And if you follow most of this advice, you just might be lucky enough to have one.

* This is satire. Humor is necessary when attempting to not take ourselves too seriously and to live a balanced life! *