1. Compare yourself to others
The more you can keep yourself watching how you measure up to others, the better. Focus solely on your own weaknesses, and how others are better than you at everything. Don’t settle for contentment, and strive for perfection in any possible situation.
2. Only accept 100% happiness for yourself at all times
…Since doing so will likely guarantee you’ll be miserable. If you’re the type of person who makes resolutions, research shows you’ve probably already failed at your resolutions, so you’re already well on your way!
Don’t strive for balance, but shoot for total happiness in all situations. This way, when you fail at something, or something bad happens, misery will be nearly immediate.
3. Let other people influence plans for you and your family
Like most people, you’re probably someone who cares about your family even though you’re aiming for misery this year. What better way to make everyone around you miserable, than allowing other people to influence everything you do! The more the better.
So whatever you do, don’t set boundaries to protect personal time with the people you love. Say yes to everyone any time they ask if you’re free to (fill in the blank). Remember, the key here is just say yes!
4. Try to make other people as happy as possible
Other people are always more important than you. Just face it. Give them most of your energy without any consideration of what it will drain from your own resources. Do it all in the name of love. For them. Not for yourself.
5. Don’t try anything new
Trying new things is for suckers. New food, new experiences, new ways to work, meeting new people… New things cause personal growth, longevity and self-confidence, and no good miserable person wants that.
6. Take things very seriously
Like this blog. Take things as seriously as a heart attack. And if you follow most of this advice, you just might be lucky enough to have one.
* This is satire. Humor is necessary when attempting to not take ourselves too seriously and to live a balanced life! *